Many of you who know me are likely aware that my grandpa (aka “Pop”) passed away last week. It has been a long week, and it’s still setting in with me, to a degree. At 91yrs (and change), he’s just always been there. It’s pretty amazing, somewhat unusual, and very fortunate that he lived that long and still had all of his faculties. While his body was giving out on him toward the end, his mind was still fairly sharp. I hope I inherited that gene.

Many people have asked if we were close, and I guess you could say we were. In many ways he was like a father to me. As a kid I spent many, many hours on the farm “shadowing” my grandpa around. One of my favorite memories was riding in the combine with him in the fall or sitting on his lap and “driving” the old blue truck. I attended church with him for several years and, for whatever reason, also went to a lot of Farm Bureau meetings. lol! This continued as I grew older, and transitioned from just following and riding along to actually doing things. We spent many hours building fence and stalls, baling hay, bringing in crops, taking care of livestock, and going to shows/auctions/church/etc. Pop was one of the few people who knew how to get me up in the morning. While my grandma would yell at me from the bottom of the stairs until she got mad at me, Pop would come sit on the bed next to mine and start listing off things we needed to do until I finally raised the proverbial white flag and got up.

Like any relationship, Pop and I didn’t always see eye-to-eye on things. We were especially prone and well known for getting into arguments when baling hay. Usually it was because he was going too fast, baling up snakes and wasps, or complaining about the way we were stacking. Fortunately, looking back it’s kind of funny. He used to get mad because I wouldn’t see a wrench that was right next to me. He once fussed because I didn’t know “this way” meant “right”, and “that way” referred to “left”. We were from different generations, but I always looked up to him and hoped he would approve of the job I was doing.

Unfortunately, Pop got out of the cattle business - my favorite part of the farm - not long after I left for college. Then, in 1996 (around the time I got married), he quit the grain-farming operation. He still baled a little hay and boarded horses (there are 4 left there now), but the farm operations had largely ceased. Pop was pretty set in his ways, and sometimes allowed others to take advantage of him. He came from a generation that took people for their word, which seemed to attract a lot of people who had ulterior motives. In recent years, the back fields were sold off for apartment and home developments. I somewhat regret that I did not spend more time there over the past 10 years helping out with things, but as the farm ceased “normal” operations it lost some of the luster for me. I knew I was not going to be able to farm it myself, which made it more difficult for me to spend time maintaining it. That was a bit selfish, I guess. It’s a bit surreal to me now, because this is the first time since the early 1900’s that no-one directely related to me has lived on the farm. And while I’ll still likely do some things around there for a while, it will never again be (even remotely) the way it was. 

As a WWII Army veteran, Pop was part of the “greatest generation” that saw times like we’ll hopefully never see again. But all that considered, he kept a very positive outlook on life and tried not to worry, which is something I need to try harder to emulate. I am fortunate not only to have known my grandpa, but to have lived 37 years with him around. While I often joke about how he used to leave me at church, auctions, the 4-H grounds, etc., he was there for my high school and college graduations, my wedding, my first house, and the births of my children. My kids knew him and loved him, and were also touched by his passing. That is very special to me.

It’s hard to let someone go that you know and love, and it really makes a difference when losing that person changes something that has been so iconic in your life. To me, my grandparents and the farm would just always be there. As a kid, it never crossed my mind that it would ever be any different. Perhaps in Heaven there’s one just like it that my grandparents are farming right now. Only there, everything grows green, the cattle are healthy, and sun and rain comes in precise amounts. The pastor at Pop’s funeral noted that, in Heaven, we will work to tend God’s farm (garden). If that’s the case, then perhaps someday Pop and I will once again mend fence together or even put up some hay. And if so, I promise not to curse at him for going too fast. =)

So I’ll catch you later, Pop. You’ll be missed until then.

As a father, there are sometimes questions you get from the kids for which you have no answer. There’s nothing wrong with not knowing, but sometimes it’s fun to make up an answer on the fly. “Why is the sky blue?” Because it’s reflecting water, of course… “Why can’t we fly?” Well, we were able to before we lost our feathers… “Where do babies come from?” When it comes up, I plan to say “Wal-mart” ( though one can’t go wrong with the old “Stork” story, either).

But sometimes the question is more serious, and catches you off gaurd. When your child poses a philosophical or religious question, how do you answer? You want/need to give an answer that satisfies their curiosity, without scaring them or making them feel insignificant.

That was the case for me on none other than Father’s Day. At the end of a great day, I was tucking my son into bed and was laying next to him, tickling and talking like we often do. That’s when we had the following exchange:

Him: “Dad?”
Me: “Yes?”
Him: “Can we live forever?”
Me: “Ummm… that’s a really big question…”
Him: ”I hope I’m really old when I die, and not young… I want to live a long time.”
Me: “I want you to live a long time and grow old, too…”
Him: “Maybe I’ll even live longer than you and mommy.”
Me: “I hope that’s the case…”
Him: “So can I live forever?” (and I thought I’d side-tracked him)
Me: “Well… your body can’t live forever, but your soul can. God promised that if we believe in Him, we can live forever with him in Heaven.”
Him: “So I won’t have my body?”
Me: “Not after you die, but that’s just your body, not your soul.” (*thinking*… please don’t ask me what the soul is!)
Him: “So I’ll be able to talk to people?”
Me: “I think so, but I don’t know… But I hope so.”
Him: “So what’s it like in Heaven?”
Me: “I have no idea… I’ve never been there. But you’ll live there with God, and I imagine it’s a nice place.”

And that was pretty much the end of the conversation. Such a big question for a 5-year-old, and one that really caught me off guard. I think the answer I gave was good… at least it seemed to satisfy his curiosity. But in those moments, you realize you don’t really have all the answers this kid is seeking, and only hope you can lead them in the right direction. We are essentially a steering wheel, but it’s manual steering. The answers don’t come easy, and there will be tough questions and bumps in the road.

Looking to turn the tables, I figured I’d ask him a tough question, too. So last night before bed, I questioned him:

Me: “If I have 4 down linemen - 2 tackles and 2 guards - one middle linebacker, and two outside linebackers, what defense do I have?”
Him: “A 4-3!!”
Me: “And if you have 5 linemen - 2 tackles, 2 guards, and a linebacker on the line - and drop two linebackers, what defense do you have?
Him: “A 5-2!!”

I’m so proud… =)

No, that was NOT my nickname in high school. It was what I ate WAAAY too much of at Emily’s parents house this afternoon. Pork barbeque, two kinds of tater salad, homemade mac-n-cheese, and two kinds of pie. I’m still full, and I ate over 6 hours ago and have sat the throne twice! I won’t be at work tomorrow, so I guess I’ll have to wait ’til Tuesday to see what kind of damage I did on the scales. And that’s not accounting for Saturday night’s taco dinner. Props to my mother and father in-law for such good meals this weekend. =)

Now it’s time to get serious. I just put $30 down on a tux rental and bought some new Wranglers. It would REALLY suck if neither fit me come May. I’m sticking to my 25lb goal, but I think I made it a tid-bit harder on myself this weekend. I DID get my hair cut, though, so that should account for at least a pound. lol! Maybe I’ll fast tomorrow to balance it out. Think I can make it through a whole day on nothing but Coke Zero?

Yesterday my son brought home a little pastic magnifying glass that he had been “rewarded” as part of a summer reading program at the library. His little heart had been set on a “bug cube” for weeks, but he apparently changed his mind after his sister and another girl chose “grab bags”. Of course, life has taught most of us not to gamble what you have in hand for that which you cannot see. He, not yet having learned this lesson, traded his little cube for a grab bag.

Life lessons are funny things. Certainly we’ve all had them over the years. But I never thought my heart would ache for a little guy who chose a grab bag over a bug cube. You see, while my daughter’s bag was full of neat little bendy toys, my son’s bag contained a cheap plastic magnifying glass and a compass ring. And that’s all. What’s worse, while innocently playing “detective” at the store with his magnifying glass, the handle broke. He enjoyed his reward for all of a few hours before insult was added to injury. Thankfully, his sister chose to give him one of her bendy people. Now that’s love!

It’s an old cliche that many dads fix everything with duct tape. Unfortunately, I’m not that talented. It sticks to itself. It sticks to me. I end up using twice as much as I need, and rarely get the results I’m seeking. But you see, I have another weapon which has resulted in the misguided opinion from my kids that I can fix anything: Superglue. I have diminished several tubes of this man-made resin over the past few years, and have actually gotten some pretty amazing results. The stuff really is good (though not much fun when your fingers are stuck together)! With it, I have swelled with great pride as the smiles returned to the faces of my children. Daddy fixed the toy! Disaster averted, tears forborne, superhero status reclaimed.

So with my son’s little magnifying glass in hand, I retreated to my hero’s lair (a.k.a. my garage) last night to restore what usefulness I could to this cheap little vessel of spying greatness. I did my best to reconnect the pieces with my “magic glue”, but the results are still out. I did the best I could, but it may not hold for long. Any doctor will tell you that you can’t always save the patient. But perhaps there will be enough life in this trinket for one more adventure, and one more smile.

Of course, I realize my “hero” status is dubious, at best. As the kids get older, they’ll realize that daddy can’t really fix everything (something my wife has already tried to convey). They’ll realize my “magic glue” is available at most stores for just a few bucks, and they can use it themselves if necessary. They won’t even need me to try and fix things. But regardless of that, hopefully the sense will remain within them that I just might have that ability, even without the glue. And if things get too broken, they will know they can turn to me for help. Disasters will be averted, tears will be forborne, and superhero status will once again be reclaimed.

As we were getting my son ready for bed a couple of nights ago, he excitedly told me ”Daddy, I found a penny today! I put it on your placemat at the table. It’s for Father’s Day… you can buy yourself something with it.” In my haste, I thanked him and said that was very nice, and that I appreciated it. To myself, I was quietly wondering what I would do with another penny.

I didn’t give it much more thought until later, when I found the penny exactly where he said he had placed it. It was a nice bright cent, its copper flashing in ways that attract the eyes of little children. An untold number of grown-ups had probably walked over and around the penny that day without picking it up, it’s value to them not worth the effort of stooping to retrieve it. But for my son, a penny is worth more than it’s face value. It’s a ride on the electric horse at the grocery. Or it’s a little extra rattle in his piggy bank. I often give the kids pennies from my pocket change, and it makes their faces glow with anticipation and the thoughts of the treasures for which they are saving. My wife and I have tried to teach our kids the value of saving, giving, and spending, and the kids have taken it to heart. I imagine his mind raced with possibilities when he found it. Eventually, he decided to give it to me.

As I stood there looking at the penny in my hand, the magnitude of his gesture struck me. My eyes watered. I realized that while he would probably give me something that may have more value to me on Father’s Day, at the moment he had given me something that was of value to him. He had given, freely. He had been thoughtful, openly. And perhaps that simple gesture was the most valuable thing of all. The penny may never amount to much, but I feel certain my son will. It was the perfect Father’s Day gift. =)

Hi folks… hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving! Personally, I ate too much turkey and it went straight to my love handles, but that’s a story for another day. It’s such a busy time of year, I haven’t posted much recently. Too much going on.

I’ll be keeping this update short and sweet, too. I just wanted to wish a Happy Anniversary today to Emily, my bride of 11 years. We’ve seen a lot of highs and lows over the past decade and a half together (we dated for 2 years first), but the end result is more highs than lows. Emily has been my driving force over the years, often encouraging me to do things I never would have done otherwise. When I fell, she picked me up. When I feared failure, she stood behind me. Even during the days of our 35¢ taco/50¢­ movie “date nights”, she never complained. And she’s given me two wonderful kids, and is a great mother to them. Finally, she puts up with all my hairbrained schemes and hobbies. What more could a guy ask for? =)

Got to go now… T-bone is on his way to pick me up from work, and I can’t keep him waiting (again). lol! Have a great weekend!

Pictures are up from my camping trip this past weekend. I tried to make comments so I don’t have to explain them all here. Click here to check ’em out! Not bad pictures for a crappy 1.3mp camera phone. =)