Recently, T-bone and I agreed to play in a church basketball league. T-bone — aka “Mr. Basketball” — ended up poofing out after 3 games with host of issues I can’t divulge due to HIPAA regulations. LOL! That left me to play on my own with the rest of the team.

Now, I’ll be up-front on this… I have absolutely ZERO basketball skills. In fact, they are so poor that on most days I can’t even spell baksetball. I dribble off my feet. I don’t see passes coming. I try to pass, but the ball moves in slow motion when I let go of it. I try to get in low and post up, but get called for 3-second violations. So I move around, which has all the effectiveness of a dog sniffing for a place to pee. I might eventually find someplace to set up, but mostly I’m just sniffing. I try to get in for rebounds, but inevitably there’s some 6′5″ dude with 4′ arms in my way. I have a 3″ vertical jump, so most rebounds just bounce over my head.

But I run… and I do my best. So far I’m averaging about 4pts per game, a few rebounds, maybe an assist or two, and 2 fouls. I should have more fouls, but what the heck… I’m not trying to hurt anyone, especially me! Unfortunately, what I’ve found is most of the guys in my league should be calling me “dad”. Ok, not really, but they ARE mostly like 15 years younger than me!

Last night Emily and the kids came to watch… and I hit my first 3 pointer! YES!! Except the kids didn’t see it. My daughter didn’t believe my wife when she said daddy had hit a basket. My biggest fans don’t even believe it when I hit a shot! LOL!

Rodney Dangerfield had nothing on this. I wonder if they have a church shuffleboard league?

You know you do it. Everyone does. You’re watching a movie with your S-O (significant other) or friend and it starts driving you nuts! You’re racking your brain… it’s on the tip of your tongue… Finally, you can’t stand it! So you break down, hit the pause button (or whisper obnoxiously) and ask the obvious question: “Who IS that guy?! Isn’t he the dude that was in that one movie with [insert famous actor/actress name here]? You know, the one where they blew up the bank and then had that high-speed chase down the Interstate during rush hour so they could visit the little boy with cancer before the aliens and Russians blew up the planet?”

Well, ponder no more! Today I introduce you to Cracked.com’s Top 20 Best “That Guys” of all time! Cracked defines a “That Guy” as a “B-list character actor who’s just talented enough to secure bit parts in a handful of movies every year, but not quite good looking enough to become a brand-name star. Some specialize in playing villains and others in having freaky-enormous chest tattoos, but combined, these brave, barely handsome men have appeared in every single movie produced in the last decade.”

So check out the link above. I know within 20 seconds you’ll say “Oh yeah!! I’ve seen him in several movies!!” Unfortunately, 20 seconds after you close the link, you’ll forget every last one of their names. But they don’t mind… being a “That Guy” pays pretty well, I imagine. Enjoy! =)

If you are/were a fan of Seinfeld, either the show or just the comedian, you are likely familiar with his “what’s the deal?” bits. Usually he takes something fairly ordinary to which we don’t usually give much thought, and extrapolates it into something that truly does seem bizarre.

So taking a page from Jerry, let me ask: What’s the deal with the media “combining” and shortening the names of every person our couple that ventures to become famous?!

You probably know what I’m talking about… let’s see… we have “Brangelina” (Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie), “Bennifer” (Ben Affleck & Jennifers Garner or Lopez), ”LiLo” (Lindsey Lohan), “K-Fed” (Kevin Federline)… the list could go on. Who makes this stuff up? And how does the media come to agreement on which ones to use? Do they have arguments like “No, I think we should call them ‘Bradalina’ or ‘Jennifleck’”? And what would they do if someone like Jack Black hooked up with Maria Sharapova? Would we have ‘Jackapova’, or ‘Jackaria’? And if a name doesn’t work (would have Brad Pitt & Jennifer Anniston = ‘Bradifer’? JenniPitt?), does that mean the relationship will fail?

The media and celeb-watchers may think it’s fun (Entertainment Tonight REALLY gets into this), but personally I find the practice fairly annoying. Can’t we just call them by their actual names? I heard news about “LiLo” for quite a while before I realized it was Lohan. And by nicknaming Kevin Federline, aren’t we just encouraging him?

As Frank said on Seinfeld… “Serenity Now!” (someone has managed to turn that into a REAL supplement for mood swings!)

I’m often accused by a few of my younger co-workers as being an “old man”. Of course, I’m 10 years older than they are, so I certainly remember many things they would not. And I’m often accused by my wife as sounding like a “grumpy old man” because I complain about things, but I only do so because I really do get frustrated by things that seem to follow no logic.

But outside of the occasional foot problem or back-ache, I generally have not FELT like an “old man”. To the best of my ability, I have remained fairly up to date with musical and “fashion” trends (that’s not to say I listen to the music or dress fashionably), and I remain interested in activities such as cycling and kayaking. I keep up with technology, and I believe with a little effort I am still within the realm of remaining on the “cutting edge” of trends.

I have to admit, though, that I sense a sea change in my life. Things are changing. And while I still don’t see myself as an “old man”, I DO sense the generational differences between myself and some of the others in my “circle”. To wit:

• I now drive a 40-year-old truck without power steering or A/C, and find myself enjoying it’s “simplicity”
• I find myself missing things from the past, such as Coke and beer in returnable glass bottles and the Charlie Chips truck
• Every time I fill up my gas tank, I recall when gas was 89¢/gallon. And I tell my wife about it.
• I told one of the guys today how I recalled when MTV and the local Top40 station came on air. I’ve told him before.
• Despite their popularity, I really don’t get “Hannah Montana” or “Fergie”, which sounds like “noise” to me
• I still listen to Motley Crue, Poison, and G-n-R and it doesn’t SOUND 20 years old to me
• I can’t drive more than 120 miles without stopping to pee
• I am repeating jokes I’ve already told
• We take our kids places, and are 5+ years older than some other parents with similar aged children
• I wish I could look at an ice cream truck and not think the driver was a pervert
• I desire enough acreage to raise some animals, and to perhaps own my own hardware store
• My ‘hobby’ of working with computers has become my ‘job’, which is now no longer my hobby
• I sometimes pass gas in public, because I can’t help it (I DO try to go off in a corner, though)
• I had to take the shocks and knobby tires off my Mt. bike because riding off road was too time consuming
• I find myself complaining about local politicians (and long for the days when I didn’t know who they were)
• I have to ask people to repeat themselves more often
• There are random hairs growing out of my ears (maybe that relates to the hearing?)

Now, those things aside, I KNOW I’m not THAT old… At 35, I can still run with the younger guys, too (when my foot isn’t hurting). But I can see the horizon and know that, soon, I’ll be driving “down hill” in my old truck. And you can bet I’ll stay in the fast lane and keep my left blinker on all the way. =)

Emily said this was pretty funny, so I’ll let you decide… =)

http://heinekendraughtkeg.com/index.php?friendid=30200

Feel free to add your picture and join my dance party!!

I went to Wal-mart tonight to purchase a gift. In the interest of time, and since I only had one item, I hit the “Express” lane (10 items or less). Of course, it’s also the liquor and smokes lane, so it sometimes slows down while people try to decide between Mad Dog and Boone’s Farm, or which brand of cigarette is cheapest. I’m also convinced that Wal-mart, more than anywhere, needs a “no-food-stamps” lane.

Anyhow, after waiting for the clerk to get help re-opening the register to retrieve the $20 she forgot to give the guy in front of me, our exchange went like this:

Walmart clerk: (scans my item and reaches for the next person’s stuff)
Me: This is all I have… that is not mine (scan my credit card)
Me: I would like a gift receipt with this, please.
Clerk: (stares at me)
Me: Umm…
Clerk: You scanned your card. How much did you want on your gift card?
Me: I don’t want a gift card. I said I need a gift receipt (with emphasis).
Clerk: (stares at me)
Me: It says you need to hit a “credit” button
Clerk: (pauses) You want to open a credit card?
Me: NO. The card scanning machine says “please ask the clerk to hit the Credit button”.
Clerk: Oh… (searches for button). It looks like it missed the gift receipt. Well, you have your regular receipt.
Me: (sighing) Uh, I really needed that. This is a gift.
Clerk: Oh. (picks up phone) I need a CSR to come to register…
Me: (leaving) Nevermind.

Aaargh! I have personally worked the registers at Wal-mart, and while granted things have changed a bit since 1991, you have to be a complete nimrod to not understand the process. This girl had NO CLUE, and was running the EXPRESS lane! Where do they find these people?! And how are they even smart enough to apply for the job in the first place? Amazing.

Have you ever been describing a movie to someone and tried to tell them who the actor was, but couldn’t think of his name? Have you ever been watching a movie and identified an actor you like from another movie, but could only describe him as “that guy” that was in whatever movie you’re thinking of?

This happens to me all the time. There are just some actors who are GOOD, but just never seem to transcend to that ‘Star’ level where they become a household name. Perhaps these are the guys who refused to change their names just for the sake of Hollywood stardom… I don’t know.

Either way, check out CRACKED.com’s - The 20 Best “That Guys” of All Time. It’s a hilarious look at the best of the rest… those actors whose names we just can’t recall.

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Finally… a request from me: I would like to ask those folks who read this blog even semi-regularly to please Register with this site. This is just for me, and just for my knowledge. I PROMISE this is kept private and you will NOT get “spammed” by me. No-one else will be able to see your address or name… this info is retained in my own private database. You *may* get an email reminder to check out this site every once in a blue moon, but it will not auto-notify you of new posts or anything. The benefit is that the site will recognize you when you want to post a comment, and your comments will not be moderated but will post directly to the site. The benefit to me is that I know whether I have one person reading this, or three. Did you notice I said “Please”? If so, the link is in the lower left-hand corner, or you can CLICK HERE. Thanks!! -Mike